DAY ONE: G-2's Drawer To The Nichols Inn

January 17, 2024

A Great Opening Day

This odd story of two cartoon characters conducting a bicycle tour begins at G-2's humble abode. He lives in a famous celebrity bike tourist's desk drawer, along with a bunch of bills and office supplies. This morning, he was ready to break free from that cramped space and head out on his bike into the wide open spaces of Hastings, Minnesota.

His pannier was packed, his tires were pumped, and his smile was on his face. That's the way all bike trips should begin.

G-2 was not riding alone, though. He and his girlfriend, Doris, had been secretly planning a tour together for more than a week. His first order of business was to pick Doris up at her apartment, which is located in the celebrity bike tourist's bookshelf.

Doris' home is more spacious, more comfortable, and more literary than G-2's. Yet she was equally excited to get the "G-2 and Doris Show" on the road.

Minutes later, they were riding away from Greg's house and bad-mouthing him for the next half-hour. Most of the bad-mouthing focused on his failed bike tour and his constant bragging. Who could blame them?

The couple's first challenge came at the busy intersection of 15th Street and Highway 61. "How in the world are we going to get across this highway?" they wondered. Surprisingly, G-2 came up with a plan. He would ride his bike up a 90-degree slope, push the crossing button, and that would give them about 20-seconds to race across four lanes.

It's worth noting that four lanes to a cartoon character is like 70 lanes to a human being.

How did I come up with that calculation? Well, G-2 and Doris are only 4-inches tall. That means they have to pedal 17.5 times as far for any given distance than a 70-inch man such as myself. In the same way, when you look at the map at the bottom of the page and start thinking, "four miles is a pretty lame total for a day's worth of riding," you should probably cut them a little slack. Four cartoon miles = approximately seventy human miles. (And 119 feet of cartoon climbing = 2082 feet of human climbing.)

************

G-2 and Doris successfully made it across the busy intersection. They gave each other a big hug and then continued on to Veteran's Park. They crossed the bridge over the Vermillion River Gorge and added their own love lock to the fence. Due to their height, their lock has the distinction of being the lowest lock of all.

From there, they moved on to the Vermillion River Falls. In a state of frozenness, the falls were particularly beautiful. Doris took a timed selfie in front of it.

Not to be outdone, G-2 did the same thing.

By no means was that the end of the sightseeing. G-2 and Doris got back on their bikes and continued up the plowed trail. It was pretty darn nice riding through the leafless trees and the six-degree (F) air.

It's worth an additional comment on the cold air. I'm sure you've noticed that G-2 and Doris are not dressed for such conditions. Well, that's because paper cartoon characters are impervious to cold temperatures. They don't get cold hands while taking pictures in below freezing weather like the rest of us. Their skin doesn't get frostbitten because they don't really have skin. They are unphased by snow too. But they aren't totally weatherproof. A little rain will melt them like the Wicked Witch of the West.

G-2 captured this nice picture of Doris riding through the leafless trees and the 6-degree (f) air.

Down below the trail were some caves and rock formations. The stars of this narrative rode down there to explore.

Not exactly spelunking, but still pretty cool.

It had been a long day. The pair agreed it was time to find a motel for the night. At the point of extreme exhaustion, they came to the Nichols Inn & Suites. A "suite" sounded pretty "sweet" to them. (Good pun, eh?)

The suite sounded good, but not the hot tub.

They went inside to enquire about a suite. "Do you have any suites available for the night?" G-2 asked.

"Yes, we do," replied the host. "How many would you like?"

G-2 said, "One," at the exact same time as Doris said "Two."

The host looked confused. "One or two?" he questioned.

Doris said to G-2, "can we talk privately over here?" while pointing down the hallway. "TWO ROOMS!" she shouted.

"But one room would save us money," answered G-2.

"One room would also tarnish my reputation as a nice girl."

"But we did spend a night together in an igloo."

"Yeah, but that was in the middle of nowhere, with no other alternatives, in FREAKING ANTARCTICA!"

G-2 conceded, walked back to the clerk, and ordered two rooms.

"Okay, that'll be $200," said the clerk.

"WHAT?" cried G-2. "The sign out front says 'Nickels.' I should be able to get a couple rooms for mere nickels, not two-hundred dollars."

"Sir, the sign out front says 'Nichols,' not 'nickels."

"Okay, I get it . . . the old bait & switch. I'm going to give my business to a more honest motel."

"Fine," replied the motel clerk, "but I think you'll find we've got the best deal in town."

Doris convinced G-2 that $200 dollars was a pretty good rate for two rooms during Minnesota's exciting wintertime festival season. Plus, she didn't want to ride any further today. "Just pay it," she demanded.

Sure, $200 would take a huge bite out of the couple's touring budget, but G-2 acquiesced.

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Today's ride: 4 miles (6 km)
Total: 78 miles (126 km)

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Scott AndersonI’m glad I read this carefully. I was thinking I could start taking it easier next year by biking my age in cartoon miles, but that’s exactly backwards, isn’t it?
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3 months ago

George HallA cycling love story set in the frigid, frozen, freezing, and very cold state of Minnesota - who could have possibly foreseen that this tale would divert down such a path as this? I'm intrigued to see where it goes from here. G2 is obviously ready to man up and take the relationship to the next level, but Doris is holding back because; I don't really know why, but that seems to be consistent with my distant memories of female courting behavior. Personally, I'm rooting for G2 to bag the babe and start saving some money on hotel rooms; on the edge of my seat awaiting the next episode...
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3 months ago

Steve Miller/GrampiesTo Scott AndersonThat is exactly why we ALWAYS bike in kilometres. Biking your age is more in kilometres than in miles. Biking for a day is more impressive in kilometres than in miles, no matter what the distance covered. Road signs in most places are in kilometres, etc, etc.
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3 months ago

Scott AndersonTo Steve Miller/GrampiesMy young friend Frank (younger by exactly four weeks) at my suggestion celebrated his birthday last month by biking his age in furlongs. So if kilometers get to be too much, just switch over to a different yardstick.
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3 months ago

Steve Miller/GrampiesTo Scott AndersonAt a really advanced age one could try measuring a ride in metres, or centimetres, or millimetres......or for you non metric folks- yards, feet, or inches.... Hey, this way we can easily ride well into our second, or even third, centuries.
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3 months ago

Bob DistelbergWhew, I was a little worried seeing Doris and G-2 perched on the top of those railings. One little breeze and... Oops they go. Such daredevils!
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3 months ago

Gregory GarceauTo Bob DistelbergFor sure, I took precautions against losing them. The main one was that the wind was coming from a direction that would blow them AWAY from the falls. That actually happened during Doris' "selfie."
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3 months ago

Emily SharpYes, I had the same wind concerns as Bob. And go G-2, I'm so impressed with riding a 90degree slope when the rest of us are off and pushing at much over 25 for that relative distance. I remember having fun with the various paper dolls and their clothes that clipped on with little paper folds. Too bad the bikes get in the way or you could get really creative!
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3 months ago