Hello cheeky!: What happened to planet Earth? - The Really Long Way Round - CycleBlaze

February 12, 2014

Hello cheeky!: What happened to planet Earth?

I was quite sure that I had gone to bed on planet Earth. I was on planet Earth when I set up my tent the night before, I was certain about that. And I thought I woke up on planet Earth too. But at some point before mid-morning, probably while I was day-dreaming about cookies, I realised that I had been transported to another planet somehow. The landscape became increasingly surreal, desert-like, lunar and, above-all, incredible. I came to a rock formation that greatly reminded me of Zabriskie Point in California's Death Valley National Park where hundreds of tourists had crammed for a look. Here there was no one but me and this was no National Park. I hadn't even seen it promoted anywhere in any guidebooks or anything, this was just the way the land was here and that was that. I daresay the only reason they even built a road through it was so the people could get to Ankara. But boy-oh-boy was it ever an impressive road to travel on.

Erm... what happened to planet Earth please?
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Something not quite normal about all this
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Maybe this is the road back to Earth?
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I came to a kind of rest stop where I could see what looked like information boards overlooking the landscape and I stopped to read them, but when I got closer I saw that they were blank. A dog came running up to me though and I threw her a slice of bread and named her Willow. I don't know why I named her that, it was just the first thing that came into my head. I asked Willow if she knew that she lived in the most incredible place in the world, but she didn't answer. As I was about to leave another dog came running over, smaller than the first, almost a puppy really, and I said "Hello cheeky!" and the name stuck.

"Do you know that you live in the most amazing place?" said Chris the cyclist. "I'm hungry, can I have some food?" replied Willow the dog
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"Hello I'm hungry, can I have some food please?" said Cheeky."Urgh, you are sooo embarrassing!" said Willow
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Now usually what had been happening in Turkey was that I would throw a few scraps of food to a dog, most commonly bread, and then I would cycle off and that would be the end of that. Certainly I hadn't come across any dogs that thought it worth following me in the hope of getting more delicious dry bread. Until now that is. As I set off Willow trotted after me and Cheeky duly followed on behind. I don't know why, probably boredom, but I decided to encourage them by shouting their names and whistling for them to follow. This is largely because I had completely forgotten about the lessons that I previously learned about not adopting dogs from Harvey on Boxing Day.

"Come on Cheeky, run, the man's got bread!!!"
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After a little while I stopped again because I thought they deserved some food for their efforts and there was a place with a nice lookout over the breathtaking scenery. I threw them more bread and ended up wasting almost a whole loaf on them because it was so much fun to throw the bread up high and watch them jump up and snatch it out of the air. They were such good dogs, I loved them so. I really did want to keep them this time.

Unfortunately Willow did sometimes appear to be possessed by the devil. But Cheeky was very sympathetic
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"Okay listen up my lovely dogs! I think we should have a competition to see who can do the best impression of a three-legged dog. Ready?"
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"Wow! Very good both of you! But Willow, you're the winner!"
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"Don't sulk Cheeky. And Willow, you can stop that now."
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The trouble was that when we all carried on they kept running in the road and there was enough traffic for this to be a problem. I did manage to convince them to run on the inside of me eventually though, by scolding them whenever they strayed off into the road and cooing "good dogs, good dogs" when they stayed on the edge of the road next to me. When things were going well like this I wondered if maybe I could actually keep them, but then I thought about just how far that I was planning on going and decided that they probably wouldn't make it to Australia before collapsing. Also, I didn't have enough bread for all three of us. After a while and with some regret I realised that I was going to have to find a way to lose them.

"NO! BAD DOGS! BAD DOGS! GET OUT OF THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD! NOW! Oh hang on, its quite a good picture actually, wait there while I get my camera. Yep, thats a keeper! NOW GET OUT OF THE ROAD!!!"
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We arrived at a village and I found a spring so that they could have a drink. They were essentially running across a desert after all. I rather hoped that they would stay in this village as I didn't want to abandon them out in the middle of nowhere but there was a steep climb coming up and there was no way I was going to sneak off without being noticed.

In the village - there was a cat sitting on the bin that jumped inside it when these two approached
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On the way up the climb, my two companions in tow, I hatched a rather cruel plan to lose them. We reached the top of the hill and I could see a long descent ahead. I got off the bike and grabbed my bread and said to the dogs, "Whatever happens in the next few minutes, I want you to remember that I love you both very much." Then I threw slices of bread in all directions and, with Willow and Cheeky distracted, I ran back to the bike, jumped on and sped down the hill as fast as I could.

It only half worked. Cheeky was very distracted by the bread and was a lot slower than Willow anyway. The latter saw what I was doing and was right on my tail from the off. It was a pretty steep hill and quite long and I was doing 40kmh, but I couldn't lose her. Everytime I looked around I could still see her. I was edging ahead, but not by much. Boy, could she run. Finally the descent came to an end and the terrain flattened out and I could still see her bounding after me. The gig was up, she was going to catch me, so I stopped and waited by a puddle so she could have another drink. When she arrived she was panting wildly. I've never seen a dog pant like that before. I have heard somewhere that dogs are so loyal that they will just keep on following their owners forever until they drop dead from exhaustion. Surely this dog wasn't going to do it for a complete stranger.

After the descent, looking back at Willow still running after me!
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I waited a while to see if Cheeky would also appear as I didn't want to be the reason for these two friends to split up, but there was no sign of him. "You see Willow. You've abandoned Cheeky! That wasn't very nice of you was it? I hope he didn't get you pregnant recently, you'll be a single mum! And don't look at me like that, I'm certainly not going to help raise your kids!"

So then it was just the two of us as we carried on. "You're not even the good one Willow. Cheeky was the fun, adorable one, you're the boring, devil one. Yes you are, yes you are!" Soon we arrived in a small town and I decided to go and find an Internet cafe because I needed to print some directions for Ankara, and because I thought Willow might disappear while I was inside. But actually Willow disappeared much sooner, because she missed the side road that I took. As I locked my bike up outside the Internet cafe I could still see her up at the top of the street looking lost. I felt bad, but what are you going to do?

The door of the Internet cafe was propped open and I was worried that Willow might run in at some point, but she never did. When I went outside to leave I turned and looked at the bike and saw a black dog sniffing at my food pannier and just for a second I thought it was Cheeky, but it was a different dog, a resident of the town. Maybe he will go on to become a step-dad for Willow's puppies, who knows?. And so I cycled on alone again, hoping everything would turn out okay in the world of the dogs.

Watch out for that truck...
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The rest of the day was fairly uneventful after the excitement of having two pet dogs for a couple of hours. I was just cycling on through this remarkable landscape, my reverie only broken by the beeping horns of passing trucks. This got to be quite annoying and I decided that I should publish an open letter to all Turkish truck drivers:

Dear Turkish Truck Drivers
I would like to request that you please stop beeping your horn at the exact moment that you drive past me for the following reasons:
a) If the horn beep is to alert me to your presence then I should inform you that in all cases I am actually already aware of your presence on account of the fact that I can hear you coming. You are a truck after all.
b) If you really must alert me to your presence, please beep your horn earlier, not when you are right next to me on account of the fact that beeping when you are right next to me is too late for anyone to take any evasive action and is also, incidently, the exact moment when I would most like you to have both of your hands on the steering wheel.
c) Beeping your horn when you are right next to me scares the crap out of me.
Thank you for your consideration in this matter.
Yours gratefully,
Chris
There were more trucks than this picture implies
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But back to the positives! Wow, what a great day it was in terms of scenery, and such a beautiful warm sunny day too. I thought it would be difficult to find somewhere to camp, what with the lack of trees and all, but I found a side road that led behind some rocks and I found a great hiding place. Then I hiked up onto a plateau and looked around. It was the most astonishing 360 degree panorama of rocky buttes across a desert vista, and with the sky burning orange from the setting sun too. It occurred to me that it was possibly the most amazing scenery that I had ever witnessed, I don't know if I could say for sure, but without question the most incredible of this trip.

What a place to spend the night!
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Copyright Roberta Something. Photoshop miracle.
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Today's ride: 66 km (41 miles)
Total: 13,594 km (8,442 miles)

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Rich FrasierI just love this.
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