DAY SEVENTEEN: Penguins, Among Other Things

The South Pole to South Africa

While packing his bags, G-2 asked Doris if she'd like to join us on our ride back to the ocean. She declined. She said she was determined to be the first woman ever to ride her bike, unsupported, all the way across the Antarctic continent. That gal had guts.

"Well, I guess that just leaves you and me," I said to my cartoon alter-ego.

"Forget that, dude, I'm going to ride with Doris."

"Huh? Are you kidding me? You don't have guts. You're afraid of your own shadow. How are you going to ride all that way through ice and snow and horrific wind chills?"

"I'll be driven by something even more important than guts."

"Oh yeah? What's that?"

"LOVE!"

Indeed, I could see G-2 had a bit of a crush on Doris last night, but I had no idea the crush was blossoming into true love. "Okay, if that's what you want to do, then go for it," I said. "But first you should probably ask her if she's agreeable to the idea."

G-2 went back to the igloo they shared last night and nervously asked, "Um, Doris, um, would it be alright if I were to, er, tag along with you the rest of the way across the Antarctic?"

"I guess so. It's a free country. But we'll ride at our own paces. We ride our own rides. Don't expect me to wait for you or help you if you get yourself into trouble. Don't expect to camp together. And don't be so sure I'll even talk to you. That's the rules."

"YIPPEEEEEEEE!" cheered G-2, as if he hadn't heard a single word that came after 'I guess so.'

We took pictures of each other, said our goodbyes, and rode off in opposite directions.

After thinking about it for a few minutes I wondered if we really were going in opposite directions. True, G-2 and Doris were pedaling one way, I was pedaling another way, and we were getting further and further apart, but was that only an optical illusion?

Look, I'm not a geography genius by any means, but it seems to me that ANY direction one goes from the South Pole is, by definition, NORTH. Ergo, they were going north and so was I. Mind boggling stuff, that.

************

I struggled through the snow for hours. Unbeknownst to me, G-2 stole all my food last night, so I was forced to nourish myself with snow and the occasional leaf that had been blown in from New Zealand or South America. I supplemented that by biting off a bit of my tongue, a couple of fingernails, and chunk of shoe leather.

It was a decent lunch nutritionally, if not flavorfully. At least it was enough to energize me back to the ocean. Here are a few pictures from today's ride:

Nice shadow shot in the land where the sun never sets this time of year.

It almost seemed like a windswept bike path, but it wasn't. It was nasty, crystalized polar ice.

Second only to goofiness, perseverance is my finest trait. I persevered all the way back to the northern Antarctic shore. (Again, in my view, the shore all the way around the continent is the northern shore.) My whole body felt frostbitten and malnourished. I thought about how my cartoon alter-ego was doing. Good luck to him. If he's lucky, he may meet up with me somewhere in Europe.

I was happy to reach the ocean shore, but I was early. My pirate ship wasn't scheduled to arrive until 3:00 p.m. I had a couple hours to kill, so I took some Antarctic wildlife pictures.

An Antarctic Canadian goose. Is that even possible?

As if it wasn't enough of a thrill to see a couple of real Antarctic penguins, I was also lucky enough to see THE Penguin--the greatest and most famous penguin of all time.

************

I was worried that my pirate shipmates had abandoned me to die on this godforsaken continent. They were an hour late. True to their word, however, they sailed into the bay and helped me and The Reckless Mr. Bing Bong on board. We all celebrated my return with a meal of salt pork, rotted fish and lard.

"We'll have you to Africa by morning," assured Captain Skull.

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