Angst about burnout
Will I have more fun than I can handle?
ONE OF MY MAJOR SOURCES OF ANGST about this trip is burnout. On a five-week supported tour in 2000 it hit me very hard, about 4 weeks in. My principal recollections of the fifth week are of growing feelings of “Geez, are we still doing this?” and “MAN, I can’t WAIT to be done.” Quite a contrast indeed to the adrenaline- and anticipation-fueled first week, at the end of which I told my wife exuberantly “We’re having SOOOOOOO much fun! This is GREAT!”.
The pre-packaged supported tour format, where the itinerary and logistics are planned and arranged by the sponsoring organization months or years in advance with no possibility of deviation, is not directly comparable to the experience of a self-contained tour. Just as a commercial bus tour or cruise differs from a do-it-yourself road trip or voyage in your own boat, a self-supported tour offers infinite flexibility. So, I have hopes for a different mental outcome.
The fallout and after-effects from that final week back in 2000, coupled with a variety of other factors, have lasted more than 20 years. For more than two decades before that trip I found riding to be an incredible joy, an opportunity to escape from virtually everything else and just relax. In the 21 years since that ride, I’ve found it increasingly more of a chore, something to be slogged through and endured rather than savored. In short, I seem to have lost interest.
| Heart | 0 | Comment | 0 | Link |
If this were the elevation profile of a ride I was contemplating I’d say “Woo hoo!” and get to it. But, as a record of my cycling activity and therefore a reflection of my general level of fitness, it’s problematic.
So why, you may well ask, am I even considering a loooooooong stint in the saddle- a longer one, in fact, than I’ve ever before attempted? The truth is, I’m not entirely certain.
Beyond the obvious “Because it’s there and so is the opportunity, and you’re not getting any younger so why not?” I hope that it may rekindle a long-dormant spark of joy in riding, and rejuvenation after too many years behind a cubicle desk. I hope it’ll help give me a focus and the discipline to train, and consequently help me lose the many pounds that accreted then stubbornly refused to be shed during sedentary years. I hope...
I’ve seen, either overtly or as subtext, references to burnout in the journals of others. Joy Santee, in CircumTrektion, says at one point “I need a vacation from my vacation.” And Jeff Arnim, in Between the Ends of America, says of an 11,000 mile plan he was contemplating:
"But mostly it just seems like too much riding. Read a few of the journals on this site written by people who have toured for a year or more and you'll see what I mean. The journey still seems interesting, but one of two things seems to happen: the excitement tapers off, or the rider starts to go a little crazy. I'd like to avoid both."
Amen.
My notional itinerary includes extended stops at the homes of two relatives, at about the halfway mark. With luck those will provide breaks I may need.
| Rate this entry's writing | Heart | 11 |
| Comment on this entry | Comment | 7 |
2 years ago
:)
Scout, my beloved and faithful Trek 620, died a deferred death after a failed theft attempt some 15 years earlier. The would-be thief dented the seat tube and over the next decade and a half of hard riding metal fatigue worked its insidious ways. The seat tube parted with a final "ping" as I was about halfway down the Natchez Trace Parkway, in 2006. (I have a journal elsewhere, that has yet to be transferred to CycleBlaze. You can probably guess where to look for it.)
Quicksilver and Mad Max keep Odysseus company to this day; Quicksilver (Litespeed Owl Hollow) being a mountain bike, he gets the call when I get the urge to go ride the C&O Canal towpath or other light offroad venues.
Mad Max is my Trek Madone 5.5, with upgrades and personalization. Man what a fun bike to ride! There are some (a few!) unlogged 2018/2019/2020 miles that don't show in the chart, but which produced big smiles. I don't know how often I'll ride him before setting off from Bend, simply because I feel like I need to be doing my training miles under conditions directly comparable to what I'll be doing (i.e. riding with full gear) on the upcoming ride.
Abner and Elsie are our recumbent tandems. Elsie, a 2001 Vision R85, is our preferred domestic ride (although Mrs. A only rides when we're preparing for an overseas trip, about which more below), while Abner is our overseas ride because, being a Bike Friday DoubleDay he goes in regular suitcases making air travel ever so much easier.
We took Elsie to England and France in 2002, 2003, and 2005 but it was just too difficult to deal with the airline luggage policies, so we bought Abner in late 2007 (looking ahead to the 2008 tour of Tuscany that we already had on the calendar) to fill that niche. Elsie briefly belonged to friend of ours after we bought Abner but returned to our stable after they divorced.
We've taken Elsie or Abner to Europe a total of (I think) eight times since our first tandem adventure in 2002. Sadly, the organizers of those tours have hung up their cue sheets, making it unlikely that we'll tour Europe anymore. Abner has yet to emerge from his packing cases after our last European adventure in 2019. Elsie currently hangs from the ceiling of my workshop, gathering dust but quietly hoping to see the road again sometime soon.
Also gathering dust at the moment, Spike (~ 1992 or 1993 Santana Arriva road tandem) hopes to be taken off the wall at some point in the not-too-distant future, if I can find a new companion. Mrs. A is not a fan of upright bikes, and Spike is a bit too large for her anyhow. But for a period from 1994 to about 2015 I was fortunate to have a couple very regular "guest stokers". Since then, through a combination of waning interest on my part and the departure of the last of my regular guest stokers, he's been sadly neglected.
There you have it: a thumbnail history of (most of) the bikes I've owned since 2000 (or earlier; I had Scout from 1985 through 2006 and bought Spike in 1994).
2 years ago
2 years ago
Glad to have you riding along with me, at least virtually.
2 years ago
Sadly, in my life, this also applies to cats. I have Christmas photos of up to seven cats lined up at seven dishes of yummy food. Though I loved them all over the years, I can no longer name or even count them.
That's where blogs come in, because there are also now so many routes we have ridden, people we have met, places we have stayed.
It's good that you will blog this upcoming trip, and hey, I hope any other blogs soon float onto Cycleblaze!
2 years ago
2 years ago
30 years ago, maybe more, a friend of mine set off to do the TransAm. After something like 26 days he abandoned, because he had been wet and cold and miserable for about 23 of those days and decided he'd had enough fun. It didn't help that he was aware that people as little as an hour or two ahead of him on the road, and perhaps those a little behind him, were not getting rained on to nearly the same extent.
2 years ago