HOW SHALL I FINISH?

With a Grand Sweeping Conclusion, Of Course

PART I: A Short Essay On Success And Failure

In a sense, I suppose it could be said that the Great Plains defeated me. It worked me over, roughed me up, burned me with its sun, blasted me with it's wind, broke my spirit, and sent me home early. I can handle that. In my lifetime of sports participation, I have lost to less formidable opponents than the mighty Great Plains. Good loser that I am, I accept this defeat graciously.

"Show me a good loser, and I'll show you a LOSER." -Coach Vince Lombardi

Damn, that guy is always dogging me. Be that as it may, in the grand scheme of things, I was also a big WINNER. My main objective for this tour--and for all of my tours--was to have fun, and, believe me, I had fun. Lots of fun. I enjoyed many interesting places and experiences and THAT's what it's all about.

Nevertheless, I can't help but reflect on the reasons (excuses?) I gave for my early exit and how I can avoid those issues in the future. After several minutes of deep thought, I came up with some pretty easy fixes for every one of my lame excuses.

Since you've agreed to read this whole journal, I'm sure you remember all of the excuses I provided a few days ago. Therefore the next section is basically just a point-by-point review of those lame excuses, and my highly intelligent solutions.

1) "My body feels like it's been rubbed down with jalapeno peppers."

SOLUTION: More consistent use of sunscreen. Or should I say, ANY use of sunscreen. I always carry a tube of the stuff, yet I almost never apply it.

This is the unopened tube of sunscreen I hauled around with me for over 600-miles. If you don't apply it to your skin, it becomes nothing more than dead weight.

2) "And my lower lip is blistered to the point where people probably think I'm a leper."

SOLUTION: A different brand of lip balm. My burned lips were more bothersome than my burned skin, so I applied Chapstick frequently. It did nothing to prevent the blistering and only provided momentary relief from the pain.

3) "I am spending beyond my budget."

SOLUTION: Resist the temptations of a soft bed, television, and air conditioning. I'm a simple man. I'm a frugal bike tourist. I don't eat in restaurants very often. I don't buy souvenirs. I don't have many extravagances. But I've been falling into a terrible trap--too many motel nights.

Too often, places like this hypnotically entice me to check in. I must develop some anti-motel-hypnotism measures.

3) "I miss my family."

SOLUTION: This one is a little trickier. My wife, The Feeshko, is not a bike rider--at least not a serious one. She does ride a 1970s-era Schwinn Suburban, but only for a mile or two as long as there are no hills. If we could go on a tour together it would help me to not miss her so much. Perhaps it would even bring us closer together as a couple. I see other couples who tour together and they make me jealous.

On the other hand, I think it takes a much different couple than us to do it. We've been married for 34 years and I still think The Feeshko is awesome. But sometimes we irritate each other. And she rides too slow. A tandem might help to solve the slowness problem, but it would likely ADD to the irritation problem.

And then there's my dog. The Feeshko says he goes into a major doggie-depression when I'm gone for such long periods of time. These are big domestic dilemmas, and I believe the only real solution to missing my family is to limit the duration of my tours to about three weeks.

4) "My cycling shoes are falling apart."

SOLUTION: Replace the shoes or get some platform pedals. Here is where my ~~cheapness~~ frugality comes into play again. I rarely replace anything before it becomes totally unusable. I should have seen this coming, though, because my heavily-used, 12-year old biking shoes were already deteriorating before I ever got on the train to Williston. "They'll get me through one more trip," I convinced myself.

The toe and the front part of the sole are worn down to nothing. And the cleats are so worn that they slip off the pedals too easily.

The heels are coming apart at the seems. I could feel the loss of support whenever I got off my bike and started walking. That's why it was easier to ride the last few days with regular shoes on SPD pedals.

[Cycleblaze Update: I put platform pedals on my Surly after that tour. I like them for touring, but I still wear those worn out Nike SPD shoes when I go out on my roadie bike.]

5) "I cannot bear the thought of riding any further than Rapid City under those conditions."

SOLUTION: More commitment to an actual route. When I am truly committed, I never give up. The map of my proposed route in the introductory pages of this journal clearly showed I had no such commitment. I did make it to almost all of the scenic areas that interested me most, but I never really had much of a plan beyond the Black Hills. I had a few options in mind, but at no point did I ever commit to one of them. I guess I thought the best route for continuing my adventure would magically enter my brain and I would blissfully follow it until it was time to go home.

Speaking of getting home, I hadn't really given much thought to that either. I assumed I would probably just ride my bike back to Minnesota, though I dreaded the idea of such an anticlimactic death march. I was really glad I came up with the idea to rent a car.

PART II: The Joy of Journaling

"I often think that the purest artist is the humorist who laughs alone at his own jests." - W. Somerset Maugham

I can picture the distinguished British author working at his typewriter and smiling wryly at his witticisms. If Mr. Maugham could have seen me sitting at picnic tables across the Great Plains, with my pen and notebook, chuckling to myself as I wrote--sometimes quite audibly--he might have written something quite different. Such as: "I often think that the purest nutcase is the goofball who laughs alone at his own jests."

I had great fun writing this journal. I hope it accurately conveys the fun I had on my tour.

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