"Spring:  when your allergies do more running than you do.
          -  Unknown  -

"The older you get the more dangerous it is to sneeze."
          -  Unknown  -

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Having recently moved to the area, I've been exploring new roads as I train, and I found one today. In Iowa City, you can go from an urban area to a rural area really fast. Rural, at least in this part of the country, means a lot of green growing things, usually corn or soybeans, which can sometimes cause allergy symptoms. My allergies were bothering me today.

When you're riding down the road and your nose is running you have a number of options. I know what you're thinking:  "But Mark, just wipe your nose on your your arm like I do!" Sure, but eventually you're going to want to eat indoors and, on occasion, you might experience negative reactions from a waitress or a cashier when seeing your choice in wardrobe accessories:   mucus, tiny bugs on your arms and face, and road dirt stuck to the fine patina of sweat.

If you decide against using your arm you do have several other options. First, you can stop, pull out a tissue, and blow your nose. Repeating this every few minutes will cause a two-hour bike ride to turn into a real stopfest. Unfortunately, you just won't make much progress. 

Second, you could reach into your handlebar bag, grab a tissue, and blow your nose while you're riding, but that's not one of the safest things to do while traveling on two wheels. 

Third, you can ignore it, letting the mucus continue its short, inevitable slide to the only place where it can go:  your mouth. This is even less appealing than the first two, at least for people who don't have three first names. While maintaining an adequate sodium intake is important, I believe there's a better way. And that leads me to....

The farmer's blow.

I learned what a farmer's blow is in high school, ironically from one of my oldest, best friends named Bart Farmer. 

You can imagine my reaction when the words “farmer’s blow” dropped into a conversation with a guy named Farmer. Even as naive as I was, there was no way I was going to fall for that gag, especially in high school. Asking what a “farmer's blow” is obviously a set up question in which you're the punch line. 

I nodded knowingly to his comment, but my puzzlement must have slipped past my subpar acting skills, because he offered an explanation.

When you're outside and need to blow your nose but you don't have any tissue, you push on the outside of your right nostril, lean over and blow out the left. Then you press on the outside of your left nostril and blow the contents out of the right side.

A person less sophisticated than me would perhaps describe this as a “snot rocket,” but when I’m wearing my tuxedo I feel more comfortable dropping “farmer’s blow” into casual conversation.  

I considered my alternatives and… a farmer’s blow it is.  

Anyway, while I was out in the middle of NOwhere (and when you're in the middle of nowhere in Iowa, you're REALLY in the middle of nowhere) I performed my nasal ablutions. However, unlike any other time in the past when I might have done this  (not an admission), just as I finished I was horrified when I noticed a guy on a bike.... ten feet behind me. He glided past me, and even said "hello," which I thought was very gracious considering he was wearing my mucus.

How do you respond to a friendly hello from a guy you just blew your nose on?  Unsure of the correct etiquette I offered up a smile and a hearty, "Hey, there!" then lifted a sweaty, bug-covered arm to wave. 

It was a little awkward.

The entire experience is deeply embarrassing so, of course, I feel compelled to share it online.