D27: 正定 → 正定 (双语）

October 22, 2024

Trying to set up a reflecting pond scene at Magic Hour while I beg to be allowed to leave for the hotel before it gets dark 当我祈求在天黑前需要回酒店时，他们正忙着布置一处日落倒影池的景致。

In the morning I discovered that the Road Gods had looked upon yesterday afternoon's request for a flat tire, saw that it was a good request, and granted it.

One of my patches didn't like me letting all the air out of the tire and then reinflating it to max PSI, and sometime overnight the slow leak caused by the patch coming loose meant an almost empty tire in the morning.

清晨我发现，路神听见了昨日午后我对爆胎的"祈求"——它觉得这请求很妙，于是欣然应允。

昨晚内胎一个补丁显然对"放气后再充至最大胎压"的操作颇有微词，半夜时分，补丁松动导致的慢撒气让轮胎在清晨几乎瘪成了煎饼。

Because slow leaks mean that there's still a little bit of air in the tire, they also make the act of getting the tire off a total bitch. Unseating a tire with just a little bit of air in it is how, on the last day with Dr. M, I managed to snap one of my plastic tire irons.

慢撒气最磨人之处在于：轮胎里总还剩点气，这让卸胎成了地狱级难度。还记得上次和M博士骑行的最后一天，我就是在卸这种"半口气"轮胎时，把塑料撬胎棒掰断了。

Taking video of me getting ready in the morning 跟拍我早上做准备的场景

It's not even like they were facing the part of the hall Housekeeping was trying to use 摄像组占用的走廊区域是客房服务当时要用的通道。

Watching them forget to tell Housekeeping that she didn't need to keep hiding in one of the other rooms so that she wouldn't get in their way while they filmed me "getting ready in the morning," ticked me over from merely noticing that Film Crew were inconsiderate boors to actively taking note of it.

Their next transgression was to try to convince me it would be ever so much more photogenic if I could change my tire in the outdoors where it had just stopped drizzling instead of the heated hotel lobby. They were even willing to find me a piece of cardboard to sit on!

当我看到他们忘了告诉保洁阿姨"不用躲在别的房间里避让拍摄"时，终于从"觉得剧组没分寸"升级为"开始记仇"。

他们接下来的骚操作是：劝说我应该不在开暖气的酒店大厅换轮胎而在刚停雨的户外，据说"画面更上镜"，甚至“贴心”到要找块纸板让我坐着换胎！

Courtesy of the video taken by the Front Desk Lady 由前台小姐姐友情拍摄

Abandoned Static Management Gate 废弃的静态管控闸门

Then, they didn't update the location pin where I was supposed to meet them 7km away from my hotel until I was there and asking them where they were.

Then, there was the fisherman who needed to be told to turn his music down from a good 150m away from where they were interviewing me with both a throat mic and a camera mic. (Sorry not sorry but the free noise cancelling on CapCut mobile would have been able to filter that without noticeably affecting the final product and it isn't like this is a closed Hollywood movie set.)

之后，他们把集合点定位设在离酒店7公里外，却直到我抵达后打电话询问才更新位置。

更绝的是那个渔民——当时采访组离他少说150米开外，我戴着喉麦，摄像机还架着收声麦，他们居然特地跑过去让人家把音乐声调低。（虽然但是，手机版剪映自带的降噪功能完全能滤掉这点杂音，对成片根本没啥影响，又不是在拍好莱坞大片封闭片场...）

I refuse to believe that the music from a distant fisherman's speaker was something that couldn't be edited in post without making a noticeable difference to the end product 我绝不相信一个渔民在百八十米外放的背景音乐，能影响到成片效果——后期随便处理下不就完事了？

The wind was louder than the dude's music 风都比那哥们的音乐声大

Then, then, then, then.... I'd rather work to forget all the thens than I would to list them out.

然后啊然后…（此处省略八百个然后）——我宁可把这些破事统统忘干净，也懒得一件件掰扯。

One of the root causes of the existence of society is that humans are practically hardwired to offer a helping hand. If you've ever been handicapped or been in the habit of carrying awkward loads, you may have noticed that this helping hand may actually make things more difficult than if people weren't scrambling to be nice to you.

However, no matter how inconveniently unhelpful the help is or how much it pisses you off, you can't just go around yelling at people who don't know that they're the seventeenth person to try to push your wheelchair just this morning; and, it's why—prior to my getting disc brakes—the first thing I always used to need to do as a female rider leaving a bike shop was go round a corner and undo whatever "helpful adjustments" they'd made to my brakes.

人类社会存在的根本原因之一，就是人骨子里总忍不住要"搭把手"。如果你曾行动不便，或是经常搬些笨重玩意儿，大概早就发现——这种"热心帮忙"往往只会帮倒忙，还不如让大伙儿别瞎献殷勤来得清净。

不过嘛，毕竟“我们可是好心帮你呢”——尽管你反复强调既不需要也不想要这种“帮助”，甚至觉得根本是在帮倒忙。然而，不管这些“帮忙”有多碍事、多让人火大，你总不能逮谁骂谁——毕竟人家又不知道，自己已经是今天早上第十七个想帮你推轮椅的热心人了。正因如此，在我装上碟刹之前，我一个姑娘每次从车店出来的第一件事，就是赶紧拐到街角，把技师那些“贴心调试”的刹车设置全给调回去。

Currently tentatively dating these to 2002 这很可能是2002画的

Rural Safe Electricity Usage series, of course 当然是农村安全用电系列

In the 19 years since my first self supported loaded bike tour¹—from getting off boats to lifting my bike up onto a bus's rooftop cargo rack—I've done an awful lot of looking like I need help to Chinese people whose help isn't helpful. Unlike "if you don't take your fucking hands off my wheelchair, I will bite you²," most of them have quickly come to understand the concept of "I really appreciate you wanting to help me, but if someone unfamiliar to me is taking part of the weight of an awkward load, either of us stumbling will mean that both of us get hurt."

It was when we were leaving the riverbank where they'd been dicks to the fisherman downstream from us that I noticed that trying to assist me in picking up my bike (and being asked again to please not) was inevitably followed by sweetly asking me to do something I'd already said was a bad idea.

自从19年前，我第一次独自负重骑行以来¹——从下船到把自行车扛上大巴车顶行李架——在无数中国人眼里，我总是一副需要帮忙的样子，尽管他们的帮助往往帮倒忙。不过和"再不把你他妈的手从我轮椅上拿开，我就咬你了²"这种情形不同，大多数人很快就能理解下面这个道理："真的很感谢您想帮我，但如果让不熟悉的人来分担重物，万一谁脚下一绊，我俩都得受伤。"

就在剧组刚在河岸恶劣对待下游的渔民、准备离开时，我注意到：每当他们执意要帮我抬自行车（且被我再次拒绝后），接下来必定会故作贴心地支使我干些我早就说过不靠谱的事。

Don't tie livestock to power poles. Don't move the earth within five meters of power poles. 宣传标语也挺细致的嘛

Climbing on transformer boxes is dangerous and could easily result in crippling injury or death³ 以前肯定有类似的事故发生³

Using electricity to fish or hunt is a no no⁴. Don't set up private transmission networks. 人家真的会这样？⁴

And then, I started counting how many times they'd "thoughtfully" do the thing I'd already said could easily result in injuring both of us and damaging 50,000y worth of their equipment, and how many times it would be followed by asking me for a teensy little favor in return.

Would you believe I got up to 11?

然后我开始计数：一下午内，他们"贴心"了11次，我明确说过"可能都受伤并搞坏他们5万块设备"的事，每次之后必跟一个"小小请求"。

你敢信吗？11次！

In one afternoon.

After two previous days of not making the connection to the "little favor" requests that always came afterwards, they still managed 11 times in one afternoon!

就一个下午。

前两天我还没把这些事和"后续请求"联系起来，直到这天下午才开始算。算了11次！

Don't plant trees or build houses under transmission lines⁵. They shall be removed without prejudice or compensation. 这地方⁵的电线应该出了不少事

I'm pretty sure the "required safety line" for breaker boxes in the first part is local phrasing for a "ground line"⁶. Second part is "aluminum and steel wires are not friends" 论接受教育的重要性⁶

I didn't actually lose my cool enough to snap "Stop it!" until the photogenic sunset scenes they were so insistent on needing. Because we were quite a ways farther from the hotel⁷ than we'd been the night before, I'd not only said this was going to result in me risking hypothermia, I repeatedly reminded them of how cold my fingers had been when I took my gloves off and intentionally breached their personal space to touch their faces the night before.

But, you know, just a little favor cause we just helped you with the task you keep telling us you not only don't need or want our help with but find our 'helping' you with to be an active imposition.

直到他们坚持要拍"绝美日落场景"时，我才终于绷不住喊出"不行！"因为当天拍摄点比前一晚离酒店⁷远得多，我早说过这会让我有体温过低的风险，还特意在前一晚摘下手套摸他们的脸，让他们感受我冻僵的手指有多冰。

可是人家还觉得这不过是"帮个小忙"而已，尽管我早说过既不需要也不想要这种"帮助"，甚至明确表示这种所谓的帮忙根本就是添乱。

His jumping over the barrier to "help" me push the bike up this hill (on what I'd already said was the final take) was what finally tipped me over to snapping "Stop It!" 他翻过护栏"帮"我推车上坡的举动（明明我说过这已是最后一条拍摄），终于让我彻底爆发，吼出了"停！"

In plowing and planting season, please refrain from driving into power poles⁸ 电杆⁸在农村真的很会遇到危险

Then, I informed them I was going back to the hotel.

然后我就说我要回酒店。

Before I left, they said that a final scene should be done of me enjoying a meal at a night market and—even though I had no idea where they got this idea for a program which they insisted should only be about my off the beaten track rural travel experiences⁹—I agreed.

For the record, other than my never being anywhere near those sorts of places when biking, we'd walked past a night market street the first night after dinner and I'd specifically answered if I wanted to check it out before going back to the hotel for more filming that I never go to these sorts of collections of nationwide chains serving things identical to other "trying to be Instagram trendy" places.

临走前，剧组说最后得拍一段我在夜市吃饭的镜头——尽管他们坚持节目只拍"人迹罕至的乡村旅行"⁹，我至今不懂这夜市想法哪来的，但还是答应了。

说真的，除了我骑车时压根不会靠近这类场所外——其实抵达首日晚餐后，我们曾路过一条夜市街。当时他们就问过要不要逛逛再回酒店继续拍摄，我明确回答：这种全国连锁的网红景点，卖的尽是些和其他"ins风打卡地"雷同的东西，我从来不去。

Don't cast fishing lines near power lines 电线的标语好多

Never touch electric appliances with wet hands. All electric appliances should have a ground line. 用电安全又来了

But, that was going to be dinner, and I didn't care enough one way or another to say "no."

但毕竟是晚饭，我懒得较真说"不想要"。

I hadn't even had time to strip off my bike clothes so I could defrost in the shower and put on my also unsuitable for outdoors at night pair of jeans and t-shirt when I got a phone call "instead of us coming to pick you up, can you take a taxi to the night market?'

To be filmed eating food I've already said I don't especially enjoy, in an environment that I've already said doesn't interest me, while wearing the inappropriate for being outdoors at night in late October clothing that you are already aware is literally everything I have with me, when you've already let me know that this isn't the sort of program where I get to claim any reimbursements for expenses?

Um. No?

结果刚准备脱骑行服冲澡取暖、换上同样不适合深秋夜晚的牛仔裤T恤时，电话来了："你自己打车去夜市吧，我们就不绕路接你了。"

让我穿着你明知我唯一带的、不适合深秋夜晚的衣服，去拍我明确说过不喜欢的食物，在我没兴趣的环境里，而且你早说过这节目不报销任何费用？

嗯... 我选择拒绝。

Stay far the fuck away from fallen power lines and call to report to the Power Company ASAP 还需要说这个？

The fine for stealing electricity via various methods may be low, but the legal penalties are high 偷电的效果

And after a few rounds of letting me know how gosh darn inconvenient it would be for them to drive the 3.7km back to my hotel to come get me and how cheap a taxi would be, they decided that it wasn't actually necessary after all and I decided to let my friends in Shijiazhuang know that visiting them had been elevated from "a quick stop before I proceed south as fast as possible" to "a quick stop before I take the train back to Haikou."

Then I had a delicious bowl of hot oatmeal with peanut butter and honey for dinner.

在他们反复强调"来回开两个3.7公里去接你多麻烦啊，打车又花不了几个钱"之后，这帮人突然改口说"其实也没必要接了"。于是我转头就告诉石家庄的朋友们：原计划"一路南下的短暂中转站"，现在升级成了"滚回海口前的最后一站"。

最后，我给自己煮了碗热腾腾的燕麦粥，拌上花生酱和蜂蜜——这才是完美晚餐。

¹ The amount of time spent on buses and in bus stations doesn't make it not a bike tour

¹ 花时间在大巴和车站度过，这依然算得上是一场自行车之旅。

Always treat electric appliances as if they are live and teach your children to do so as well 从孩子抓起

If someone near you is being electrocuted, immediately turn off power at the breaker box 用电常识

² It never fails to astonish me how many people will attempt to push me within minutes of getting the "Thou Shalt Not Touch the 'Chair" lecture†.

² 每次我刚说完"轮椅神圣不可侵犯"的警告†，转眼就有人上手来推——这种屡试不爽的荒唐事总能让我目瞪口呆。

† "I am in a wheelchair on this occasion because I choose to be in a wheelchair. If it's too hard to get my 'chair up a slope or a curb, I retain the ability to stand up. Touching my wheelchair without permission is equivalent to me picking your feet up and moving them. Don't Touch the Chair!"

† "此刻我坐轮椅是出于自愿选择。若遇斜坡或路缘难以通行，我完全能站起来自己解决。未经允许碰我轮椅——就好比我突然抬起你的脚强行挪位。轮椅勿碰！"

³ Although this is a slightly different perspective than this image usually gets, it follows the standard template of two boys and a girl

³ 虽然这张图的视角清奇，但依然遵循"两男一女爬变压器"的经典构图

Fallen over transmission poles are dangerous. Don't stack crap underneath the right of way. 宣传工作者任务很重

Hire registered electricians to install electrical things and make sure they are installed according to code 面面俱到了

⁴ This is the first time I've gotten a "no electric fishing" image that shows someone getting electrocuted

⁴第一次见到"禁止电鱼"配图是触电现场，过于写实

⁵ I know this is supposed to be a drawing of a guy laying bricks, but he really looks like a Flying Kung Fu Master

⁵ 虽然画的应该是砌砖，但这姿势怎么看都像飞天武侠

⁶ It's a little confusing cause "ground line" is used elsewhere in this set.

⁶ 有点混乱，因为同系列其他图里确实指接地线

⁷ Which, if I'd known I wasn't going to be staying somewhere else tonight, I could have refrained from checking out, and I could have done all of today with empty bags.

⁷ 早知今晚不去其他地方，我根本不必退房——今天本可以轻装出行，空包上阵的。

Don't fly kites near power lines. Don't release things upwards¹⁰. 因为农民之前没接触电，什么都有。连不想需要的也有¹⁰

A little confused about the first part, but the second part is definitely "in an emergency, call the 120 Medical Services Hotline" 这些居民都经历过什么

⁸ In addition to "No Drinking and Tractoring" being an actual slogan I've actually seen, the sadly unphotographed† sign out front of the military airbase at Dingxing a couple days back included "being breathalyzed" as one of the inspection conditions for entering the facility.

⁸ 除了见过"禁止酒后开拖拉机"的标语，前几天定兴军用机场外的没拍过†检查牌上，"测酒驾"居然是入场条件之一

† Because it's a bloody stupid idea to stop and to take photos of even the most innocent things that happen to be near controlled facilities

† 因为在管制区域附近，哪怕拍最普通的东西都是找死

⁹ And which therefore made actually likely to happen things like "going to a coach station and putting my bike on a bus" unpossible.

⁹ 所以节目里"去汽车站把自行车搬上大巴"这种真实场景，反而被判定"不符合乡村旅行定位"而禁拍

Don't throw water on an electric fire 老百姓都是试错过来的

Using a hook connector to directly tap power off the transmission lines is extremely dangerous, don't do it 无奇不有

¹⁰ I think this a modernized version of "don't shoot birds who are roosting on the line" that post dates China's increasingly strict application of gun control measures.

¹⁰ 我猜这是在中国枪支管控严了之后的"禁止打电线上栖息的鸟"。

Today's ride: 39 km (24 miles)
Total: 1,683 km (1,045 miles)

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