D20: 东仙坡 → 高碑店（双语）

October 14, 2024

Best parking job of the Tour 此次骑行见到的最佳停车操作

As far as I'm concerned, one of the greatest benefits of cheap hotels is that you can get rooms that don't have windows. Being as Dr. M made the choice to take the hanging daybed on the glassed in verandah at the Yaodong hotel because of her need to wake up to daylight, it would seem that this (obviously far more sensible) point of view is not the only one which exists.

Before you tell me that blackout curtains are a thing, I would like to remind you that I'm mostly in the poor parts of rural China and they are not a functioning thing which exists at the kind of cheap hotels I prefer to stay in (by which I mean that if they exist, they are so tatty as to no longer keep out all the light). Additionally, they only help with light and have no bearing at all on sound.

在我看来，廉价酒店最大的好处之一就是你能订到没有窗户的房间。由于M博士需要在自然光中醒来，所以她选择了窑洞酒店里带玻璃的阳台上的吊式躺椅。这样看来，并非只有这一种（显然更为明智的）观点。

在你提遮光窗帘之前，请容我声明：在中国农村贫困地区的廉价旅馆里，遮光窗帘根本就不存在（就算有遮光窗帘，它们也破旧不堪，根本无法完全挡住光线）。此外，遮光窗帘只能挡住光线，完全不隔音。

In the less than 50 years since his death, Mao has already been adopted into the Chinese pantheon of folk heroes who are venerated for good luck and good fortune 在毛主席去世后的不到50年时间里，他已然被归入了中国民间英雄的行列，这些民间英雄因能带来好运和福气而受到人们的敬仰。

Oddly enough, this 1960s 伟大领袖毛主席万岁万万岁！was clearer on my phone when taking video than it was either as photographs or with my eyes. 说来也怪，60年代的伟大领袖毛主席万岁万万岁！我用手机拍视频时呈现出的画面清晰度，竟然比拍成照片时的清晰度要高，也比我肉眼看到的更清晰。

Hand carved (with power tools), this is a fairly large example of a Taishan Stone conferring the protection of the folk hero Shigandang upon the residents 这是一件手工雕刻（使用电动工具）的作品，是一块相当大的泰山石，它为居民们撑起民间英雄石敢当庇佑的守护之伞

Past experience tells me that it's possible for enough firecrackers to be set off to be heard from inside a windowless room, but it's not easy; and other morning noises such as trucks or markets are effectively non-existent. My brain is in bike touring mode so, as long as I don't overtire myself, I'll still be up by ten past eight, but it's because I want to be up.

过往的经验告诉我，有可能燃放很多的鞭炮，使得在一间没有窗户的屋子里都能听到声响，但这并不容易；而且其他清晨的噪音，比如卡车声或者集市的嘈杂声，实际上是不存在的。我的大脑处于自行车骑行旅行的状态，所以，只要我不让自己过度疲劳，我这个夜猫子仍然会在八点十分左右完整起床了，但这是因为我自己想起来。

Gray weather that might be more on the fog side of things than the smog side of things makes immediately going outside look sufficiently dubious that, with the permission and assistance of the hotel owner Mrs. Dai, I shoot a staged "Checking in While Foreign" video which is basically just us reenacting the highlights of the previous night complete with moving a fire extinguisher out of the way¹ to give me bike parking.

I liked my dinner enough the night before to return there for breakfast but they aren't open yet so I have a trio of pork stuffed mo² instead.

灰蒙蒙的天气介于雾与霾之间，让我对户外活动心生犹豫。在店主戴阿姨的配合下，我拍摄了“便利境外人员住宿”系列视频，重现昨晚办理入住的高光时刻——包括挪开灭火器¹给我的自行车腾车位。

早餐本想去重温昨晚惊艳的驴肉馆，无奈尚未营业，只得买了三个猪肉馅馍²充饥。

I actually liked these pork mo better than the previous evening's donkey ... and I really like donkey meat 比起昨晚的驴肉，我其实更爱这些猪肉馍……虽然我确实超爱吃驴肉

The quest for the Mystery Noise (which has since come back) resulted in the discovery that my bottom bracket was loose. Although this town's Xidesheng were uncharacteristically useless at "mmm, yes, that's a wobble, just ignore it and it will go away," their Giant was also uncharacteristically good at fixing something that wasn't their brand. 追查神秘异响（后来这声音又出现了）的结果，是发现我的自行车中轴松了。虽然本地的喜德盛车行这次一反常态地不靠谱，只会敷衍说"嗯嗯是有点晃，别管它自己就会好"；但同样反常的是，捷安特的技师居然很专业地修好了非自家品牌的零件。

First detour of the day is a site that memorializes a massacre that took place early on during the War Against Japanese Aggression. I'm fussing with my phone making sure that I've got all the shots I want and trying to decide how much I want to try for a "reading the inscription" video on account of my not really wanting to puzzle out the unpainted shallowly carved white text on a white stone when the Village Secretary shows up for a chat.

当天的第一个绕道目的地，是一处抗日战争初期大屠杀的纪念遗址。我正在摆弄手机确认拍摄素材，犹豫要不要尝试录制"解读碑文"视频——毕竟那些未经上色、浅刻在白石上的文字实在难以辨认——这时村支书突然过来搭话。

He says he's seen me before on Douyin. He also plays for me a voice message of someone on WeChat telling him "that foreign girl who bikes around China looking at historical stuff is in our memorial park! Go talk to her."

Which is how I end up with a digital copy of the inscription instead of having to work it out myself³.

他说在抖音上看过我的视频，还当场给我听了一条微信语音："那个在中国骑单车寻访历史遗迹的外国姑娘到咱们纪念园了！快去跟她聊聊。"

于是我没费功夫，破译了碑文³，直接拿到了一份电子版。

If he hadn't given me the inscription on the back, I was going to voiceover the (easily google-able) poem on the front 要不是他给了我碑背面的文字，我差点就要给正面的诗配音解说了（反正那首诗上网一搜就能找到）。

An apartment building with solar panels installed over top of every air conditioning unit 这栋居民楼的每台空调外机上都顶着太阳能板

I shall assume that the people providing free winding cloths also sell coffins or something like that 我猜那些提供免费寿衣的大概也卖棺材之类的东西吧。

Mr. Secretary and the grandpa who comes over to chat with us while he's chatting with me are a wonderful bit of the kind of niceness that spurs me to continue creating videos and a counterpoint to the nastiness that will happen with the day's other video.

Taken about five hours later and also in the "Marian Reading Walls" category of things, I had just finished up everything including subtitles and music and was looking at Maps on account of my having used to enough daylight that a faster route into town made sense when a pair of elderly druncles⁴ arrived to start demanding I produce my ID and tell them what I was really doing in their village.

书记先生以及在他和我聊天时过来的那位爷爷，都展现了让人如沐春风的友善，激励着我继续制作视频，也与当天拍摄的另一个视频中发生的不愉快形成了鲜明对比。

大约五个小时后拍摄的视频，也属于“岳玫瑰诵读墙上文字”系列。当时我刚刚完成了包括添加字幕和配乐在内的所有工作，正在查看地图，因为我已经用完白天时间需要赶路，所以要选择一条更快进城的路线。就在这时，两位喝得醉醺醺的大叔⁴出现了，开始要求我出示身份证，并让我告诉他们我在他们村子里到实在的在做什么。

Being as they were the fourth or fifth round of people to stop by while I was Doing Things On My Phone and all the others were pleasant, friendly, just making sure that nothing was wrong with me, and agreeing that the cool thing I'd found really was an unusual thing to find in 2024, I kind of expected them to be the same.

在我用手机处理事情的时候，这已经是第四波或第五波停下来跟我搭话的人了，而且其他所有人都很友善、亲切，只是确认我有没有什么问题，还惊叹我能在2024年发现的那个很酷的东西，所以我原本也期待这两人会是同样的态度。

All the other locals who interacted with me in any way were totally awesome 以各种方式和我交流过的其他当地人都非常棒。

Given the state of the jersey, it wasn't as if it was hard to tear 以这件骑行服的状况，要把它撕破也不是什么难事。

Don't post advertising on our village walls 比较稀奇

Yelling at the top of my not inconsiderable lungs to "get your fucking hands off me" while walking my bicycle through them in a game of chicken that only ended because it was clear to both of them that continuing to physically refuse to let me leave might result in falling on his ass, I would have called the police on them except for not actually knowing the name of the village where I was and not having any useful signs within my field of vision.

The worst part of being assaulted wasn't the probably new (or at least larger) hole in the right hand pocket of my 17 year old Marco Polo Discovery Channel jersey but the fact that I couldn't defend myself. Not because I have no martial arts or self defense skills⁵ but because, at 20kg heavier and 20 years younger, unless one or both of them had some secret kung fu skills that weren't at all apparent in the way they were moving, fighting back would almost certainly mean causing serious injuries and I didn't see a "Foreigner Beats Up Old Men" scenario ending well or cheaply.

我用大嗓门喊着“把你他妈的手拿开”，推着自行车从他们中间穿过，玩起了一场“胆小鬼博弈”（两车相撞前谁先躲避谁就输），直到他们俩都清楚地意识到，如果继续用身体阻拦我离开，其中一人可能会一屁股摔倒在地，这场对峙才结束。我本想报警的，可实际上我并不知道这村子的名字，而且在视野范围内也没有任何有用的标识。

被袭击最糟糕的不是我那件有17年历史的“探索频道马可波罗”洲际队教练亲手送给我的骑行服右手口袋上可能新添（或者至少是变大了）的破洞，而是我无法自卫。这倒不是因为我没有任何武术或自卫技能⁵，而是因为我比他们俩重20公斤，年轻20岁，除非他们其中一人或两人都有一些从他们的动作中完全看不出来的秘密功夫，否则反击几乎肯定意味着会造成严重伤害，而且我能想到“外国人殴打老人”这种情况最后不会有什么好结果，还可能会带来不小的麻烦。

I am hoping that this is simply a misplaced marker stone and not an actual historical site 我希望这只是一块放错地方的界碑，而不是一处真正的历史遗迹。

An oddly bright children's playset in a brown landscape. Also no obvious reason for why there would be such a large playset inside the fenced in area. 在一片棕褐色的风景中，有一个颜色格外鲜亮的儿童游乐设施。而且也无法解释为什么在围起来的区域内会有这么大的一个游乐设施。

When I got there, was the traffic in Gaobeidian absolutely horrible? Probably true. Were my nerves so jangled that I didn't have the mental cycles available to merge or dodge? Also probably true.

Ate a pork stuffed mo, a pork and pickles stuffed mo, and two⁶ eggplant stuffed mo before heading to my hotel where the Front Desk's attempted "but we don't have the license" went over like a concrete balloon.

当我到达时，高碑店的交通是不是真的糟透了？很可能是这样。我是不是紧张到没有精力去并入车流或者躲避车辆了呢？这也很有可能。

在前往酒店之前，我吃了一个猪肉馅的馍、一个猪肉酸菜馅的馍，还有两个⁶茄子馅的馍。到了酒店，前台试图以“但我们没有接待外国人的许可证”为由拒绝我，结果碰了一鼻子灰。

No raised voices or anything like that but also no willingness on my part to accept anything other than complete capitulation. "Yes, you can." "I don't care who told you what." "Figure it out."

我没有提高嗓门或者做出类似的过激举动，但我也绝不愿意接受除了完全妥协之外的任何结果。“是的，你们可以接待我。”“我不管谁跟你说了什么。”“想办法解决。”

¹ This has the added benefit of showing off that her hotel is stocked with obvious fire extinguishers to a degree that speaks to either having personally experienced a fire or having a firefighter as a relative.

¹ 这样做还有一个额外的好处，就是可以炫耀她的酒店里配备了灭火器，这要么说明她亲身经历过火灾，要么表明她有一个当消防员的亲戚。

One eggplant mo and one pork mo 一个茄子馅的馍和一个猪肉馅的馍

Old gates from during Covid Controls 新冠疫情管控时期的旧大门

Long straight rural roads with fall colors 秋色斑斓的笔直乡间公路

² Think pita bread

² 中式皮塔饼

³ It was only two paragraphs† and my not having read it was mostly about the annoyance factor.

³ 那篇文章只有两段†，我没读它主要是因为觉得很烦。

† However, the shortness of the text and the prominent mentioning of 29 people (including two Party Members) being killed leads to my being quite rationally angry at the primary school teacher in a commenter's story of going there as a class on Tomb Sweeping Day and being told a fairy tale about 500× as many deaths and a tree that has survived being damaged because it was watered with the blood of heroes.

† 然而，文章篇幅短小，却突出提到了有29人（其中包括两名党员）丧生，这让我在看到一位评论者讲述的故事时，对那位小学老师感到愤怒。故事中说，他们全班在清明节去了那里，老师给他们讲了一个童话故事，说死亡人数是实际的500倍左右，还说有一棵树因为被英雄的鲜血浇灌而在遭受破坏后存活了下来。

⁴ Portmanteau of "drunk" plus "uncle"

⁴ druncle是“drunk”和“uncle”两个词的合成词

⁵ This is actually a deliberate life choice

⁵ 这实际上是我有意为之的人生选择

⁶ The second one was merely good. The first one heavenly. I suspect the actual difference was how hungry I was.

⁶ 第二个茄子馅的馍只是还不错，第一个却好吃极了。我怀疑真正的区别在于我当时有多饿。