Epilogue : Mystery Solved - Mothers (Day) of Invention Tour - CycleBlaze

May 16, 2017

Epilogue : Mystery Solved

Moral of the Story: Know Your Baking Ingredients!

The day after I got home I gave Margaret, my wife, an overview of the trip, and probably overly focused on the gradual deterioration of my hind end (as I have done in this journal as well, I'm sure). I told her that even my Dad's Ancient Cyclist Secret of dosing your bike shorts with baking soda didn't do the job of easing my posterial pain.

She looked at me with furrowed brows: "Baking soda? Are you sure that's what you're supposed to use? That stuff is super abrasive and has kind of a salty chemistry. Isn't that like rubbing a mixture of sand and salt into the wound?"

Hmmmm .... that did make sense, but what the Hell was the actual baking ingredient that was the balm for saddle sores if not baking soda? Margaret walked me through the kitchen cabinet. "Do you think it was Corn Starch? That kind of absorbs fluid and helps things firm up and congeal."

Again, cue the cartoon light bulb above my head. YES! Corn starch!! Not baking soda!! So I had essentially committed a War Crime against myself by misidentifying the secret sauce that one should use. Imagine this: You have a raw spot rubbed on a portion of your body. Your solution, to help ease the pain of riding 168 miles on your bike, it to dump an ample mixture of very fine grain beach sand and sea salt into your shorts. Yes. That makes perfect sense. I have stuck a post-it note next to the bike gear as a helpful reminder about this for future reference, but you watch ... Prior to the next tour I'll convince myself the secret ingredient is Tabasco sauce. Happy Trails!

Cyclist's Field Guide: Use this ....
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Mike AylingA good read!
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2 years ago
Steve Miller/GrampiesCornstarch is good but we actually really love a product called Bag Balm. It is a formulation used for painful farm animal bidders. Works a treat on distressed cyclists nether regions. Dodie scoops a small quantity out of our industrial size container (we used to raise cows and sheep )and moves it to a more manageable size one for use on our trips..
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2 years ago
Steve Miller/GrampiesTo Steve Miller/GrampiesDamn auto correct. Not bidders, udders.
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2 years ago
Suzanne GibsonGreat read, Mike! Glad to see you posting here!
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2 years ago
Rich FrasierGreat writing! Despite the damage to your nether regions, your adventure with chemicals made me laugh. Better luck next time?
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2 years ago
Bruce LellmanYour trip may have been rather short but I sure laughed a lot. Great story! I'm looking forward to more trips and stories from you but hopefully with fewer mishaps. Thank you.
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2 years ago
Bob DistelbergGreat journal Mike. Thanks for coming to CycleBlaze!
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2 years ago
Ron SuchanekTo Steve Miller/GrampiesWhat do you use on their bidders then?
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2 years ago
Steve Miller/GrampiesTo Ron SuchanekBeats the heck out of us. Autocorrect gives some really funny bloopers.
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2 years ago
Peter BrownA fun read, thanks. We may be kindred spirits, I spent a great deal of time in the principle's office.
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2 years ago
Mike JamisonTo Mike AylingThank you Mike!!
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2 years ago
Mike JamisonTo Peter BrownSome of my favorite kids were the frequent flyers sent to my office for various offenses. They were not boring : - )
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2 years ago
Mike JamisonTo Steve Miller/GrampiesSteve ... super late reply here, but shortly after this ride I discovered the wonders of chamois cream and swear by it!
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2 years ago
Mike JamisonTo Suzanne GibsonSuzanne, please forgive my super tardy reply, but thank you so much for the kind words.
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2 years ago
Mike JamisonTo Rich FrasierRich, apologies for the late reply but thank you for reading and the kind words about the journal. Yes. even though my rear end had an unhappy ending the rest of the ride was very happy ; - )
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2 years ago
Mike JamisonTo Bob DistelbergBob thank you for the lovely feedback! Oh, apologies for the late reply ... life got very busy for a bit there.
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2 years ago