Artificial intelligence is a game changer, but I'm only human.  A complex and masterclass escape from an authoritarian country is one thing, but the human element is the other.  I spent nearly 20 years of my life in China.  Yes it's completely sad about the direction that the country is going under Xi Jinping's leadership.  His response to Trump's tariffs is utterly predictable:  fight back hard, double down, resist, and destroy his own country in the process while hoping the US goes down.  It's a textbook case of drinking poison while hoping it will inflict damage on your enemy.

But whatever he does is out of my hands.  Like it or not, this evokes a deep sense of loss and sadness because I set out to China to make a life and for the first 10 years this was actually on track.  China represented growth, a new start, and a sense that I was valued.  That all started unraveling very quickly from around 2016 or so when it became apparent the direction things were going even then.  

The only choice I had really was to leave or else face increasingly worsening mental health.  What I did was an act of self-preservation.  And so naturally, I started to grieve, break down, and realize the losses.  It would also mean separating from my wife since she was unwilling to leave China.

So in the days leading up to the midnight run, I wrote on my support group that I was going to back down and not do this

Me:  The market crashed again last night  (leading up to the tariffs).  My skills got tested, I played defense by shorting the stocks of what I had sold put options on.  That minimized my losses but I stayed up all night doing this.

Friend 1:  You need to look out for yourself Steve!!  Can't keep on living like this.  Something big is happening in the markets.

Me:  The crash already started.  It proved I have the skills to handle it but I can't keep on staying up all night to trade US markets and handle this toxic job in China at the same time.

Friend 1:  That's what I was telling you before Steve!  You are very smart and understand how this all works.  You're learning so much every time you make a trade and even more when you take losses.  Yes you lost $15k once and you got back even more the next day.   But you need to watch your health

Friend 2:  I am now in Rayong Thailand.  I am on a balcony and it gave me lockdown PTSD so I said fuck it and cut off these cable ties.  I can't wait to see you again so we can party!

Me:  Thanks but I have very limited funds right now and will soon be unemployed.  Plus it's a bear market now.   I also got rid of all that Nasdaq futures shit, it was causing my margin to spiral out of control

Friend 2:  You got this Steve.  It's time to put yourself first for a change.

Me:  I'm looking to delay the run a bit.  This isn't cold feet.  Or maybe it is.  All this stress on trading and timezones with the US market is insane.  And we saw these crazy selloffs due to the tariffs.  So I had to adjust strategy.  Fact is I won't have a paycheck soon enough and I can't rely on trading as this recent market volatility is insane.   This is exactly the nightmare scenario I was afraid of:  fear of leaving a job and steady money since I can hedge a job against market volatility.  

Friend 2:  Your mental health is priceless.  That's all I can say.  I recognized I could never could look back.  You need to think the same.

Me:  But how do you explain this?  People are tied to job slavery because they know they can't rely on trading in the markets when it crashes like this.

Friend 2:  Forget about that.  Prioritize your mental health.  Quiet your head.  Get into your body.  What do you need?   All I know is I don't like the idea of you suffering any longer for the sake of money.   I love the person you were becoming during Chinese New Year when you saw me in Chiang Mai and Pai.  And it's why I was hoping you would just stay.  I'm not an expert on trading but I know that you need to get out of China.

Friend 1:  Perhaps you're pushing this trading so hard as you want to make your entire salary in one shot which is what caused all these losses.  It's fear and greed you know.

Mes:  Yes I know.  

Friend 2:  Get out of the boat.  

Friend 1:  Esther is right.  Money will never fix your mental health.  Plus the need for this money is because of how expensive it has gotten in Shanghai.  You're playing the markets but you don't even have the energy to stay up until the final bell at 4am to make those key trades.  The timezones in China are abosolute shit for trading the US markets.  That's why you need to be in Dubai or the Gulf.

Friend 2:  I'm crying now

Friend 1:  You need TIME which you won't have while working in Shanghai.  Not now, not ever.  Money comes and goes but our lives and health will never ever return.

Friend 2:  Go to Thailand!  If you don't have a full time job you can stay up whatever time you want.  If you want part time remote work I can help.

Friend 1:  Yes that's what you should be doing.  Then you're free from stress and can enjoy life while making money the right way which can as you're very smart with the markets.  But for goodness sake, scale back and make small amounts every day maybe $100-200 not like the insanity you have been doing recently.  Even $300 a day, you make that it's $1500 a week you can totally do this.  What you're doing right now is just insane.  There is no need to try and make $20k right away.

The chat went on and on and they gradually convinced me not to give into fear and greed.  The midnight run was going to happen!