January 13, 2020
The movement in your head
Chanuman to Khemerat
Dear little friends,
We woke up to crickets, frogs, and birds. My bed was soft and comfy, and I should have slept better than I did but my mind was racing all night, going through a million different scenarios.
The evening before, as we enjoyed the beauty and peace of our exceptional bungalow on the Mekong, I finally spoke my mind to Bruce.
“I think I need to go home.”
My daughter’s pregnancy is mostly going well but as I’ve said, I’ve had a lot of concerns for her and increasingly I’ve not been able to be really present on this bicycle trip. We have known all along that an early exit might be warranted from this trip and every single place we’ve stopped for the night I’d be scoping out where the bus station was and how quickly I could get to Bangkok, whether I’d be able to change my flight and box up my bike and fly the long distance to get home if she needed me. The anxiety was wearing me out. Oh, and so was the heat.
Bruce understood my thoughts completely. I wanted him to be able to stay until our original return date if he wished, maybe try to get someplace cooler, maybe store the bike in Bangkok, or would he keep riding, our Thai visa ran out on January 30th, where could he renew that, as I said, a million scenarios. So we agreed I would leave and he would stay, and I wrote to Molly’s husband, brother, and dad and told them my decision. The response was unanimous: please come home. I told my daughter and she was overjoyed.
It’s a relief to come to a decision when you know it’s time to make an important decision. All the little decisions that tag along with a big decision pale compared to making the big one, they are just logistics and I can do logistics when I have relief and certainty powering me. But there were a lot of logistics to decide and I can’t blame the crickets for me not sleeping well.
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The road to Khemarat is not bad at all and I must say my mind wasn’t really focused on it, just motivated to get there, turn on Skype, and change my ticket home. We met some Dutch folks on the road and told them about our wonderful guesthouse on the river, we tooled around Khemarat buying a papaya and soy milk and then settled into the “VIP” room at a very modest guesthouse and proceeded to spend 44 minutes on the phone with American Airlines, whose representative was one of the kindest and most accommodating customer service people I’ve ever encountered.
It was not looking good. Chinese New Year is coming up, it’s high tourist season in Southeast Asia, she tried and tried different routings for me and finally found one, a long itinerary with long layovers in Osaka and Los Angeles, but I grabbed it. At that point we were discussing a slight change to Bruce’s original flight home when he took the phone from me and asked her to add him to my flight itinerary, he was coming home with me. So I was sitting there weeping with both relief and gratitude.
After all that emotion we went out for a late lunch at a restaurant we’d been to five years ago. We talk a lot about how this and that has changed, this for the worse, that for the better, but this place was EXACTLY the same. Our pad si ew was great, the place is still drab, the husband is playing Tai Orrathai’s most popular song behind the cinder block wall, they still haven’t cleaned around the refrigerator door handle. It was a perfect non-change setting, a time warp, only we were the ones who had changed.
Sometimes a day of riding is all about the movement in your head. You can be in the most beautiful place on earth, the most spectacular scenery, the hottest sun, the windiest wind, ups and downs and curves and trees and people but that is all a mere backdrop to your thoughts and fears and plans. I felt hopeful and happy and ready to come home to a new adventure and challenge. I could now focus on the last few days of our trip worry-free and motivated. We would ride as far as Khong Chiam, then to Ubon Ratchathani and fly to Bangkok from there and bypass dealing with Bangkok at all this time, the traffic, the interminable expensive taxis to the airport, all of it.
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4 years ago
My mind stopped racing in the VIP room with its mosquitoes and dogs fighting outside, I fell into a deep sleep and started trusting myself again.
Today's ride: 25 miles (40 km)
Total: 1,130 miles (1,819 km)
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Good photos too, illustrating well what you will be leaving.
4 years ago
4 years ago
Took me back to November 2018 when we were in Tucson, expecting to continue the semi-nomadic life in Palm Springs, Portland, and then who knows? And then right at about the same time, our Palm Springs lodging fell through and my mom's health took a turn south.
It felt so good to do a quick about face and sign a 15-month lease in Centennial. But perhaps the best part was that Ron was (and has been) right there with me.
Here's to the in-person love and support that you provide for Molly and the babies. And to Bruce for adding his flights to your itinerary.
4 years ago
4 years ago