DAYS TEN, ELEVEN & TWELVE: A Pirate's Life For Me

The High Seas

Captain Skull was stern, yet fair. He was a true leader of men. For example, the minute I stepped on board for the first time, he led me down to the ship's galley, handed me a bucket and a brush, and yelled "start scrubbin' matey." A while later, he led me back up to the deck, handed me a different bucket, and yelled "brush this varnish on 'til yer arm falls off." Yup, he led me from one backbreaking task to another and another and another.

I wasn't exactly pleased to be performing such menial tasks while on a bicycle touring vacation, but I guess that's the price you pay when you and your bike need to be transported from one continent to the next.

I got along well with most of the crew. We had a few laughs together and they even gave me an endearing nickname--"Scurvy Dog." They even made up a funny poem for me, which they repeated frequently.

Hey ho, there, Scurvy Dog
Quit workin' on yer stupid blog,
An' get us boys a bottle of grog,
Or you'll be next in line for a painful flog.

Those guys really made me feel welcome--like I was one of them. The first mate, in particular, took me under his wing and taught me all the ins and outs of pirating. He had sailed all over the world and he told many interesting stories about raiding various ships and burning them right down to the sea, sword fighting with rival pirate gangs, and other swashbuckling adventures. Oh, how I longed to be like him.

When I wasn't working, I mostly gazed out at the wide open seas. The beauty nearly brought me to tears every time. I took many pictures of the sea and sky. They were ever-changing, but I won't bore you with all of the pictures. I'll just bore you with a few of the best ones.

And the sunsets were even more incredible.

Every morning, the sun would rise up over the horizon with an entirely new magnificence . . .

. . . followed by another exquisite afternoon of sunshine and ocean waves.

After only 48-hours on the bounding main, I finally realized why so many people spend thousands of dollars on ocean cruises. The scenery is PRICELESS!

On the other hand, some of the ocean-liner aficionados might prefer the social activities or the expansive dinner buffets. That's okay too.

Speaking of dinner buffets, pirate ship dining is a little different. Our buffets consist mostly of salt-pork, old almonds, moldy mashed potatoes and, when we're lucky enough to catch one, fresh fish. On special occasions, we get a dessert of stale Cheetoes.

On this day, I used my hook to catch an 8-inch fish. Divided among six crewmen, it provided sustenance to get us through the evening.

My hook became somewhat of a fish-catching phenomenon. I earned more and more of my shipmates' respect and Captain Skull promoted me to a higher position--3rd mate. I suddenly found myself becoming upwardly mobile in the pirate world.

I loved the attention but was still focused on completing my imaginary around-the-world bike tour. Originally, I thought we'd be able to sail to Australia in about a day. By day two, I suspected Captain Skull was NOT steering us to that continent by the most direct route. We seemed to be winding aimlessly in the Java, Banda, Aratura, and Timor Seas. I boldly confronted Captain Skull about my suspicion.

"How dare you question my authority, you Scurvy Dog," was all he said about that.

I never said another word about our route.

************

So Captain Skull continued to search for ships to plunder. Eventually, he spotted a couple of them from his spyglass. They were far off in the distance, but we gained on them quickly. Without bloodshed (thankfully) they handed over their wallets.

Our bounty was thirty-six cents--just enough to get us to Australia.

Captain Skull steered his ship due south, and a couple hours later I climbed up to the crow's nest. At long last, I shouted out what I've been wanting to shout out ever since we left Singapore:

I shook hands with all of my shipmates, hugged Captain Skull, and walked the gangplank down to the Australian shore. I looked back for the last time and shouted, "Hey, would you dudes be willing to take me to the next couple of continents?"

Unanimously, they yelled back, "Hell yeah! Where are ya goin' after Australia?"

"Antarctica!"

"Um, we'll let ya know," they shouted back.

************

In some ways, the following song says it all about my pirate experience.

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Keith AdamsWhile you were aboard Captain Skull's pirate ship, did you happen to learn why pirates don't shower before they walk the plank?

It's because they'll just wash up on shore later.
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1 year ago

Gregory GarceauTo Keith AdamsThat's a good one. I'll have to tell it to Captain Skull when he (hopefully) picks me up on the other side of Australia.

Here's another good joke the First Mate told me: Question: Do you know which letter of the alphabet is every pirate's favorite? Answer: Aaaaarrrr
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1 year ago

Keith AdamsTo Gregory Garceau"Question: Do you know which letter of the alphabet is every pirate's favorite? Answer: Aaaaarrrr"

That's a common perception but I've been told it's really the C.
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1 year ago

Gregory GarceauTo Keith AdamsThe crew told me that many times. "Aye, matey, it's all about the C."
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1 year ago

Ron SuchanekYou guys are killin' me!
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1 year ago